My little project

[Phaedrus]

I will be posting Chapter 37 soon.

I'm guessing fan fiction is a very specific genre one must be into in order to enjoy. I'm aware of how many people are into it, because there's a category for it where I'm publicly publishing my work, but it's just something I cannot get into.

There's nothing wrong with creatively expanding on a world or universe that already exists, (adding your own characters in for spice?), but I'm the type of of writer who has to create something entirely new.

We're both writing, and that's all that matters.

[Phaedrus]

Six chapters now available for reading. If upon the end of the sixth chapter one's interest has not been satisfactorily peaked, then.......I'll just continue to write the novel regardless.

[Cavebear]

Six chapters now available for reading. If upon the end of the sixth chapter one's interest has not been satisfactorily peaked, then.......I'll just continue to write the novel regardless.

Write on... Not that I will ever read it.

[trdsf]

... I'm not inclined to agree ...

The point wasn't bevity.  The point was priority.  Too often we take pride in an artful turn of phrase and lose sight of why we're writing to begin with - to excite someone else, not ourselves.  Every sentence, be it novel, story or essay, needs to advance, not meander in thickets of adjectives.  So, write with pruning shears, wielded often and mercilessly, to stay on point, or moving there.  Otherwise that someone else you're trying to excite will get bored, put the page down and go find a DVD.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the occasional artful turn of phrase, so long as it makes the point.  And pruning shears are an indelicate instrument.  I will wield a scalpel if that's all that's called for.  And I have wielded a chainsaw when that was called for.

And speaking of meandering in thickets of adjectives, why do people still read Lovecraft, then?

You seem to propose a one-size-fits-all tactic here, and there is no such thing when it comes to writing, be it for one's own amusement or with an eye toward publishing.

[jerry mcmasters]

Six chapters now available for reading. If upon the end of the sixth chapter one's interest has not been satisfactorily peaked, then.......I'll just continue to write the novel regardless.

Write on...  Not that I will ever read it.

It's not easy to "put yourself out there" to your friends and aquaintences with art, writing, photography, personal stuff, etc., it involves risk even if we have thick skins and say that it doesn't matter.  So why go through the extra effort of being an unsupporting dick?  It would have taken you less time to not tell us that you don't give a shit about Phaedrus and something that matters to him rather than the time it took you to actually type out that you don't give a shit about Phaedrus and something that matters to him.  Don't be an asshole.

[Cavebear]

Six chapters now available for reading. If upon the end of the sixth chapter one's interest has not been satisfactorily peaked, then.......I'll just continue to write the novel regardless.

Write on...  Not that I will ever read it.

It's not easy to "put yourself out there" to your friends and aquaintences with art, writing, photography, personal stuff, etc., it involves risk even if we have thick skins and say that it doesn't matter.  So why go through the extra effort of being an unsupporting dick?  It would have taken you less time to not tell us that you don't give a shit about Phaedrus and something that matters to him rather than the time it took you to actually type out that you don't give a shit about Phaedrus and something that matters to him.  Don't be an asshole.

I write 2 blogs where I put myself "out there". I don't advertise it. People find it on their own.

And note that while I said I won't read it (amateur writing is always boring crap) , I encouraged Phaedrus to "write on". Because there is an audience out there. It's just not me.

[Phaedrus]

I write 2 blogs where I put myself "out there".  I don't advertise it.  People find it on their own.

And note that while I said I won't read it (amateur writing is always boring crap) , I encouraged Phaedrus to "write on".   Because there is an audience out there.  It's just not me.

No worries. I don't read blogs.

[Phaedrus]

Probably a better link to the source, where you can view the individual chapter links:

Of The Numinous

Also, a minor update to the synopsis of the novel:

What initially begins as a normal work day quickly escalates into something else entirely.

The path along self identity can be an arduous one, especially among people who adhere to differing ideologies. Imagine a dystopian future advanced in certain ways yet disadvantaged in others; this is the story of people from all walks of life, sharing their perspectives, living their own truths.

Follow an ever shifting character perspective of what it means simply to be alive.

[Cavebear]

I write 2 blogs where I put myself "out there".  I don't advertise it.  People find it on their own.

And note that while I said I won't read it (amateur writing is always boring crap) , I encouraged Phaedrus to "write on".   Because there is an audience out there.  It's just not me.

No worries. I don't read blogs.  

I don't either. I just talk to the universe without worrying if it talks back.

Do you know the movie "Conagher"? Well, in it a lady attached notes to tumbleweeds that blew across the desert later. That's me.

[Cavebear]

Nearly every one I know of online is writing "the next great novel" I am deliberately not. Some friends send me their drafts to look at. They are well-written emotionally with great care and altogether unpublishable junk. I myself am deliberately NOT writing a novel.

[Phaedrus]

I'm not writing the next great novel either. I have always written simply to quiet the voices in my head.

[Cavebear]

I'm not writing the next great novel either. I have always written simply to quiet the voices in my head.

That's a good reason. I'm probably here for the same.

[trdsf]

I'm not writing the next great novel either. I have always written simply to quiet the voices in my head.

Pretty much.  The reason I write is because if I didn't, my head would explode.  Probably not literally, but I don't care to take that chance.

[Cavebear]

I'm not writing the next great novel either. I have always written simply to quiet the voices in my head.

Pretty much.  The reason I write is because if I didn't, my head would explode.  Probably not literally, but I don't care to take that chance.

I've been told that if I wrote down all my vivid dreams, I might well get some writing award. Fortunately, my memory is not all that good.

[Phaedrus]

Just started chapter ten of the novel.

I also had an amazing thought for the end of the novel this morning. We'll see if it pans out.

As it is, however, I am planning on there being at least eighty chapters.

[SYZ]

Thank you again Phaedrus for letting us read your story as it further develops.

However...

I have to admit that I have no idea about where the story's going.  I've lost track of who is
whom, and what they're doing why they're doing it.  It's difficult to follow the plot line, which
seems to have changed halfway through the current chapters.

There needs to be a logical connectivity from chapter to chapter, or between the characters,
rather than sudden jumps.

At the beginning, we have an automaton, unaware of the human world, and unaware of its
own identity now talking about human sons and mothers and relationships—presumably
now Earth based? The bit about the killing of the farm animals totally escapes me (incidentally,
it's unnecessarily graphic within the thrust of the story).

You're also still using too many adjectives and adverbs.  Too many of the sentences are
overloaded with descriptors, too clumsy, and overly contrived.  You also need to watch out
for tired old clichés; "till her last breath" or "darkness deeper than the starless nights" etc.

This sort of sentence may illustrate what I'm getting at:

"Nothing's wrong, she signed with as much genuine feeling as she could muster/ under the
circumstances of what was soon to occur".

"under the circumstances of what was soon to occur" is clumsy.  Maybe "in dread of the future"
could work better?

You might also make more use of a thesaurus:  Some of the words you've used don't mean
what you think they mean. For example, "perturbedly" means worried, unnerved or anxious.
It was his audience that was perturbed, and not the puppet master who was smiling... maybe
"evilly"?

In this set piece, you've also got his audience at first disgusted and horrified by what they
were about to witness, but a couple of paras later, the same audience was smiling at the cuteness
of the animals.  This is what I mean by plot connectivity. They know the puppet master is evil—it's
in his eyes—but suddenly they're happy at the sight of the animals.

—I'm hoping you consider my critique as constructive, but I like to tell it how it is, and you have
asked us for criticism either good or bad.  I just don't believe in saying to writers "oh that's all so
wonderful; great stuff" as a sop to either their abilities or their egos.

I'll be looking forward to chapter eight.    

[airportkid]

... I never outline or plan ahead ...

Just started chapter ten of the novel.

I also had an amazing thought for the end of the novel this morning. We'll see if it pans out.

As it is, however, I am planning on there being at least eighty chapters.

This is not the sort of approach that would draw me to reading your work - what little plan exists is toward achieving the least relevant characteristic of a work.

[SYZ]

... I never outline or plan ahead ...

This is not the sort of approach that would draw me to reading your work - what little plan exists is toward achieving the least relevant characteristic of a work.

I can only concur.  One of the very first things every successful
author does is to construct a detailed outline of their story.

[Phaedrus]

Forgive me if I don't respond to any criticism at the moment. I have to read it objectively, and understand it with a grain of salt, as I mainly focus on continuing on the current path of writing. Otherwise, I could psyche myself out of continuing to write, as I often do with so many works I begin yet never finish.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Never diminish the importance of your work." Ramesses II

[Phaedrus]

For what it's worth, I will state this: I don't write conventionally. I want to break literary structure, not follow it to the letter.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

For what it's worth, I will state this: I don't write conventionally. I want to break literary structure, not follow it to the letter.

I thought it was the tramadol.

[Phaedrus]

I thought it was the tramadol.

Lost a resident at work. Now another one is on the decline as of last night.

You better hang in there, dude, because losing you would be as hard on me as it was when Vorlon went.

[Phaedrus]

More on my progress: I am currently working on writing chapter eleven. Up to chapter fifteen, those five chapters are going to be the hardest I write, because I am instituting a perspective that will no doubt bug the heck out of @SYZ .

Speaking of perspectives and your recent complaint about it, Syz, there will not be a single character perspective throughout. The purpose of what I am creating, as was mentioned in the synopsis update, is to introduce to the reader the meaning of life via an ever changing perspective. The one constant will be that there is a transition, whereby it is quite apparent who the new the character perspective is from the last character perspective.

And in case you missed this:

Forgive me if I don't respond to any criticism at the moment. I have to read it objectively, and understand it with a grain of salt, as I mainly focus on continuing on the current path of writing. Otherwise, I could psyche myself out of continuing to write, as I often do with so many works I begin yet never finish.

.......................

For what it's worth, I will state this: I don't write conventionally. I want to break literary structure, not follow it to the letter.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I thought it was the tramadol.

Lost a resident at work. Now another one is on the decline as of last night.

You better hang in there, dude, because losing you would be as hard on me as it was when Vorlon went.

I'm hanging on for the paisley fonts.