I used to be a witch... a rant

[leerob]

Religion is complete and utter bullshit.
It fucks up people's morals and lives for no good reason.
When I was a kid and my mom tried to get me into Christianity, and I had all the questions and point, she said "oh well it is just like a guidebook to show you how to live a good life" etc. We know that blah.
I didn't buy it because it makes no fucking sense. None of it does.
But I did end up with a paranoia that I still have to this day, it's crazy! Not a paranoia that God watches me anymore but paranoia nonetheless.
When I was 9 I asked my "father" why he never went to church on Sunday and he said "Because I don't believe in it" and it made sense to me. And it was the first time I heard the term "atheist".
When I was 12 I decided to leave Christianity as by law in Germany at 12 years old you have a right to choose your religion.

Well I thought everybody has to have a religion and witchcraft made perfect sense to me.
It was the way of deciding your morals, your reasons, etc for yourself but also to own up to everything instead of placing things in some higher power's hands.
And I bought into it more and more for the majority of my life. 
Until I had my own student, my own witchcraft forum, people who looked up to me.
And don't get me wrong, a lot of the things I learned are still useful (e.g. my knowledge around herbs and teas healing uses)
But it came for a price too.
Witchcraft was my religion and I was a chaos witch of all things. Meaning I would not subscribe to one specific branch of witchcraft (not going into great detail now).
Well just like with other religions, witchcraft comes with good stuff and with bad stuff. So while things like acceptance, free will, and such things were extremely important, doing wrong was not a good idea.
Doing wrong, even slightly was something that scared me shit less and again I could go into great detail but I will spare you those right now.
Even doing right, you'd always be on the lookout for evil, protect your home, protect your loved ones, with all these rituals and shit. 

When I had my student, I had to answer questions. Tons and tons of questions. And I made sure to research everything well. My brain has always been science based but the questions he asked were not things that I had asked before. 
So the more he asked and the more I tried to explain and teach, the more I had to accept that this is not real. Magic is not real. 

You see... When herbs and stones are both used for healing then how do I finally find the truth? It took me forever to find the fucking real world, to identify what was religion and what is scientifically proven fact.
And the best of it:
My mind wants to go back to it. It's easier even if it's scarier too. 
The amount of times I have to argue with myself inside my head about reality and about what is more likely to be true... "reincarnation vs no reincarnation" is one of the things my brain keeps bouncing back on and I have been an atheist for 9 years and brain still wants to go back to it... wtf


Meh

[RobbyPants]

Well I thought everybody has to have a religion and witchcraft made perfect sense to me.

My only experience with this was in college. Two of the people I played D&D with were Wiccan, and my best friend converted when he started dating one of them. He just kind of assumed this was all correct and jumped in head first. I remember looking at some of the books he was reading, feeling like they were written by a middle-schooler. For example, everything was composed of various amounts of the classic Greek elements. Go figure that spicy things like onions and cinnamon contained "fire".

Of course, I was Christian at the time, so the irony of a lot of the "this is absurd" criticisms I was making was lost on me.

When I had my student, I had to answer questions. Tons and tons of questions. And I made sure to research everything well. My brain has always been science based but the questions he asked were not things that I had asked before. 
So the more he asked and the more I tried to explain and teach, the more I had to accept that this is not real. Magic is not real. 

Like I said, we all played D&D. They would apparently enchant their dice, and no one else was allowed to touch the dice, or it would fuck with the "energies". I never wanted to be a dick and put them on the spot, and I didn't believe their "magic" was affecting the game, but it still made me think: the purpose of the die roll is to give a random result that is "fair". If their magic affects the result, it's no different than using a loaded die (i.e. cheating). If it doesn't affect it, of what use is the magic?

It seems like the efficacy of the spells could be tested by empirical observation and control groups. I'm assuming Wicca has some amount of "don't test The Lord your god magic" built into it? It seems to be a common trope for nonfalsifiable religions and cults.

[leerob]

I'm assuming Wicca has some amount of "don't test The Lord your god magic" built into it? It seems to be a common trope for nonfalsifiable religions and cults.

Kind of. Not quite though.
It's more like:
"I know I am right because <enter misunderstood science plus wooh> and the only reason it's not working right now because there is some doubting energy in the room. I swear it has always worked before you were around when I did it."

[abaris]

If their magic affects the result, it's no different than using a loaded die (i.e. cheating). If it doesn't affect it, of what use is the magic?

On a half light and hald serious note. Things like that aren't recommended in witchcraft. It's supposed to come back to you in a bad way. At least as far as white magic is concerned.

But yeah, I dabbled in witchcraft also. During the early to mid 90ies when I still tried to find my way. We used to believe in neutral deities, nature mainly. But then it dawned to me that a neutral deity wouldn't need my worship in any case and so I left that phase behind me.

[leerob]

Yes it is supposed to come back to you and depending on what brand of witchcraft you follow it may come back multiple times or stronger etc.
Or as I believed it doesn't only come back but also you will be reborn and have to do it all over again and again until you live life good finally and then you can move on. Plus might be attracting evil spirits etc... Yea I was that nuts!

[Old Man Marsh]

Yes it is supposed to come back to you and depending on what brand of witchcraft you follow it may come back multiple times or stronger etc.
Or as I believed it doesn't only come back but also you will be reborn and have to do it all over again and again until you live life good finally and then you can move on. Plus might be attracting evil spirits etc... Yea I was that nuts!

Always give evil spirits a hug. They need it. 

[Chas]

Yes it is supposed to come back to you and depending on what brand of witchcraft you follow it may come back multiple times or stronger etc.
Or as I believed it doesn't only come back but also you will be reborn and have to do it all over again and again until you live life good finally and then you can move on. Plus might be attracting evil spirits etc... Yea I was that nuts!

Always give evil spirits a hug. They need it.