Funny stories?

[GenesisNemesis]

I might have some. When my brother was with my father when he was a kid at some restaurant, my brother pointed at someone having some beer (I think it was a Miller), and my brother ran over and pointed, and said "daddy beer!" Anyway everyone laughed.

[Rizen]

Here's a gag from my second book, The Gatekeeper. I try to include humorous moments and witty dialog into my books. The only thing you have to know is Magie's underage at this point.

She giggled nervously before grabbing the bar tender by his sleeve.
“‘Ello there little one. Wot can I git ya?” he asked, polishing a mug. He was a tall and grizzled man, well built and poorly shaved. Tattoos and scars paraded across his muscular arms and a dirty apron dangled from his neck.
Magie was taken back; she hadn’t thought that far ahead, “um, well. Lets see… I believe I will have a… a Manhattan.”
The bartender laughed, “well link me up, aren't ya cute? Whoever ‘eard of that rubbish? ‘Ere, I’ll give ya somethin I whip up when the miners bring their youngins in.” he turned around and poured several colorful liquids together in a mug. “Try this, sweetheart.”
Magie grasped it in both hands before taking a swig of the concoction. Her eyes bulged. The instant it touched her tongue she spit it out in a sticky and colorful spray, “Eew, that is vile! By the gods! Ugh! Never have I tasted such foulness! What is this? Is this how you mix drinks? How do you work here?!”
“Now there’s a story,” the bartender began. “Ya see, before I was a workin ‘ere there was a fella called “Stumpy Barg”, lost his leg to the distillery equipment, he did. That mess took a heap of cleanin’ I can tell ya. Before ‘im came three fingered Jak; a real killer wit the ladies or so he thought. One day he was showin off wit tricks peelin fruit- took his fingers clean off. But my story don’t stop there, it don’t, because before ‘im came one eyed Willy. Do ya know wot ‘appened ta ‘im?”
“Bottle explosion?” Magie asked.
“Tax evasion. Just goes to show ya don’t need ta be no genius ta work ‘ere. Just smarter than the fellas before ya,” the bartender tossed a knife up into the air. He tried to catch it but it bounced off his hand and almost stabbed him in the boot. He laughed and picked it up before going about his business.
“I see,” Magie said.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

My wife got me a T-shirt that says:

Emotional Support Husband, Do Not Pet.

I tell people "She says if this doesn't work she's taking me to the vet."

[Unsapien]

The best little stories I've had are from my days working in the hotel & restaurant industry...

Like the time when a couple came in to book their wedding plans a year in advance, and then at about 3-4 months away from the wedding date, people come in to do food tasting & plan how they want the room set up, etc and we were informed by the bride-to-be that the groom had changed!

Or the time when the police came to us and said that we had a regular guest that they wanted to talk to, and if we could let them know the next time he was in town. So I don't know how many weeks later he called to book a room & one of our front desk staff call the police to let them know he was coming. The police were actually surprised we remembered. They were waiting for him when he came to check-in and arrested him and took him away.

Or the time when there was an couple that was engaged to be married, and I guess the couple got into a big fight and she ended up throwing her engagement ring into the garbage dumpster. The next morning after she cooled down, she asked for a pair of gloves so she could go dumpster diving to find it, she was in there for quite a while, but she found it.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Good to have at least a little impulse control.

[Rizen]

IDK how funny this is in the retelling but when I was a kid my best friend's dad got a video camera. We, along with some other kids, decided to make a action video with martial arts and we thought we'd add in special effects later. Needless to say it was godawful, cheesy as hell. Never assume you can act- you can't. But it was good for a laugh.