The Unhappy Thread

[SYZ]

I just know that in my own mind, tonight was a failure on my part -- not because mom's dementia was bad, but because my own ability to cope with it was simply not up to par. I know better and should do better, but I did not. I let my emotions get the best of me tonight.

I know it may sound glib, but none of us is "trained" to
look after our aging relatives as we'd maybe like to. Our
sometimes-failed attempts to ease their way through the
day and the inevitable longer nights can tend to make us
look inwards and judge our efforts too harshly—when in
actuality we're doing our utmost best, and ultimately the
very best.

As long as we're focussed on doing the best that we're capable
of, that's all that matters.  There's no nebulous "standard" of
care we should be trying to match—we do what we can.  And
that's good enough mate.  Always.

Please remember to take care of yourself too, particularly
at this time of the year.   And consider too, that without your
love and care, she'd undoubtedly be in an even worse place  

[Gawdzilla Sama]

When Mom lived with me she called the cops about once a week to report an intruder.

[Thumpalumpacus]

My mom's dementia was terrible tonight. I don't think I'm cut out for this.

It's often frustrating to live in their world. Do you have another person who can step in when you/your mom goes sideways, give you a break even if for a few hours?

What your doing is admirable.

My sister is a big help when she's here. It's just that last night she wasn't.

[Rizen]

My mom's dementia was terrible tonight. I don't think I'm cut out for this.

Caregiving is really hard. I took care of my grandpa, who had parkensens, and my grandma, who had Lewy Body disease, before they died. I have PTSD from that. Hand in there and don't forget to take care of yourself. You might be able to find a government agency that can help with stuff like cleaning.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I really appreciate all the kind support. Thank y'all so much.

Today is a new day.

[Rizen]

I'm texting with a woman who's cousin died of cancer two days ago. I asked her how she was doing- not well- then I started talking about my day and went off on a huge tangent about my books when it wasn't an appropriate time. I really put my foot in my mouth. The truth is I don't get much social interaction.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm texting with a woman who's cousin died of cancer two days ago. I asked her how she was doing- not well- then I started talking about my day and went off on a huge tangent about my books when it wasn't an appropriate time. I really put my foot in my mouth. The truth is I don't get much social interaction.

So reach out again and give her the opportunity to vent again, keeping in mind what you feel you fell down on. I've buried a few people in my time and know that not everyone else has the right response at the right time. Bear in mind that she probably wants listening from you, give her that much.

[Unsapien]

I'm texting with a woman who's cousin died of cancer two days ago. I asked her how she was doing- not well- then I started talking about my day and went off on a huge tangent about my books when it wasn't an appropriate time. I really put my foot in my mouth. The truth is I don't get much social interaction.

Let her talk as much or as little about how she's feeling, and just let her know you're there for her. As for putting your foot in your mouth, you may not have, if she was engaging in your talk, she may have welcomed the distraction. I know when my mom died, I buried myself in school work to keep my mind off of it, to feel a little normal.

[Rizen]

^This worked out, thankfully. She wasn't upset.

[Thumpalumpacus]

^This worked out, thankfully. She wasn't upset.

Very glad to hear it was of some use, Rizen. I think most people pick up on good intentions, and you seem to me a good-natured person. Don't beat yourself up if you don't stick the landing all the time. Do your best to be supportive and be there for her, as you were here.

[Rizen]

When my mom died in 2022, I filled out a form that was notarized transferring her retirement fund over to me. I didn't do anything else with it because I was really depressed and thought I didn't have to. Now I've contacted the place in charge of all that and they said they didn't see any funds and it probably went unclaimed. So now I have to hire a lawyer to claim the funds from the state. Everything's a big clusterfuck. I hope I don't lose the account.

[SYZ]

When my mom died in 2022, I filled out a form that was notarized transferring her retirement fund over to me. I didn't do anything else with it because I was really depressed and thought I didn't have to. Now I've contacted the place in charge of all that and they said they didn't see any funds and it probably went unclaimed. So now I have to hire a lawyer to claim the funds from the state. Everything's a big clusterfuck. I hope I don't lose the account.

Can I ask if your mum included instructions for the dispersement of
the proceeds from her retirement fund in her will—with you as a sole
beneficiary? Normally a person's will covers their financial affairs after
they pass away, virtually automatically (as they do here in Australia).

If however she died intestate, that obviously overcomplicates things,
as some sort of public trustee would normally take on her personal
affairs—including the dispersement of her physical estate and finances.

[Rizen]

I've got to get a physical on Friday which means I have to get a blood test. I hate blood tests. 

[Dexta]

I've got to get a physical on Friday which means I have to get a blood test. I hate blood tests. 

A needle penetrating your body is nothing to worry about...then again we have the NHS in the UK. Poor America 

[Minimalist]

I've got to get a physical on Friday which means I have to get a blood test. I hate blood tests. 

I have to get one tomorrow.  I'm used to it.  I just wish all these fucking doctors would get together and share notes instead of each one wanting their own tests!

[Dexta]

Bloody doctors...that's a new one.

[Fireball]

I've got to get a physical on Friday which means I have to get a blood test. I hate blood tests. 

A needle penetrating your body is nothing to worry about...then again we have the NHS in the UK. Poor America 

I have a great HMO that takes good care of me. It ain't all bad, here.

[Thumpalumpacus]

A needle penetrating your body is nothing to worry about...then again we have the NHS in the UK. Poor America 

I have a great HMO that takes good care of me. It ain't all bad, here.

Dude's gotta feel superior some way. I may carp about the VA on occasion, but I get good care, mostly free prescriptions, and the only PITA is having to wait for appts because the system is overstressed.

[SYZ]

I've got to get a physical on Friday which means I have to get a blood test. I hate blood tests. 

You shouldn't even feel the needle go in if the phlebotomist is any good.   

[GenesisNemesis]

One time I had to get four or so vials of blood taken out of me. It was for a study for my genetic condition, though. I have contributed myself to science a few times, fortunately only one instance where I had to give that much blood. Oh yeah, also they cut a little bit of skin off my arm for the stem cells. I watched while they did that too.

[GenesisNemesis]

Double

[brewerb]

I've got to get a physical on Friday which means I have to get a blood test. I hate blood tests. 

You shouldn't even feel the needle go in if the phlebotomist is any good.   

[brewerb]

UGH, have a toilet flush valve to replace. I hate anything plumbing, unfortunately that includes paying plumbers. 

[Dexta]

It's hard to trust tradesmen. Goodness knows we've been heavily ripped off in the past.

[Rizen]

I got ghosted after telling another woman I was high functioning autistic. This happens fairly often.