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The Holy Prepuce
#1

The Holy Prepuce
Man, you CANNOT make this stuff up.

https://www.wired.com/2006/12/whatever-happen/

Quote:What happened to Jesus's foreskin?

After being lost for almost 1500 years, Christ's foreskin (known as the Holy Prepuce) was discovered in the small Roman town of Calcata, disproving a theory by 17th century theologian Leo Allatius that it ascended into heaven to become the rings of Saturn. The Holy Foreskin was immediately attributed with numerous divine miracles, including perfumed mists and freak storms. It supposedly had divine attributes: rubbing it upon the eyelids of the blind could make them see.
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#2

The Holy Prepuce
https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/how-...e-god-need

Quote:1. There were at least 12 Holy Foreskins in churches across Europe during the Middle Ages.

Churches and abbeys at Charroux, Paris, Boulogne, Metz, Le Puy, Nancy, Besançon, Coulombs and Conques in France, Hildesheim in Germany, Antwerp and Bruges in Belgium, and Calcata in Italy all at some stage claimed to own Jesus's foreskin, or a piece of it.


I mean if the fucker had 12 dicks maybe he really was god?
Robert G. Ingersoll : “No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.”
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#3

The Holy Prepuce
I have it on "good authority" that if you rub the bones of Elisha on the dead, they will be resurrected. Apparently Elisha's bone(s) is more powerful than the bone of Jesus.
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#4

The Holy Prepuce
Judas used it for chewing gum.
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#5

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 04:08 AM)Minimalist Wrote: https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/how-...e-god-need

Quote:1. There were at least 12 Holy Foreskins in churches across Europe during the Middle Ages.

Churches and abbeys at Charroux, Paris, Boulogne, Metz, Le Puy, Nancy, Besançon, Coulombs and Conques in France, Hildesheim in Germany, Antwerp and Bruges in Belgium, and Calcata in Italy all at some stage claimed to own Jesus's foreskin, or a piece of it.


I mean if the fucker had 12 dicks maybe he really was god?
Maybe, just maybe, he had a real big one?
R.I.P. Hannes
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#6

The Holy Prepuce
Yea, circumcision isn’t a religious thing
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#7

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 11:01 AM)1Sam15 Wrote: Yea, circumcision isn’t a religious thing

Heretic! I'll do you for that.........  

Now where did I put my stake? Priest
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#8

The Holy Prepuce
No Deesse, jebus was DEFINITELY overcompensating for something.
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#9

The Holy Prepuce
It's a theory that the rings of Saturn are really Jesus' foreskin. Rofl2
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#10

The Holy Prepuce
I bet Dave wrote one of his "books" on it, Aliza!
Robert G. Ingersoll : “No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.”
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#11

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 10:43 AM)Deesse23 Wrote:
(01-09-2024, 04:08 AM)Minimalist Wrote: https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/how-...e-god-need



I mean if the fucker had 12 dicks maybe he really was god?
Maybe, just maybe, he had a real big one?

This will be in my head when eating calamari.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#12

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 03:56 PM)brewerb Wrote:
(01-09-2024, 10:43 AM)Deesse23 Wrote: Maybe, just maybe, he had a real big one?

This will be in my head when eating calamari.

Where's the mind bleach?!
Mountain-high though the difficulties appear, terrible and gloomy though all things seem, they are but Mâyâ.
Fear not — it is banished. Crush it, and it vanishes. Stamp upon it, and it dies.


Vivekananda
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#13

The Holy Prepuce
The article does mention that this Holy Foreskin thing is so ridiculous that even the Catholic Church started backing away from it and trying to quash it. And that's saying something.

What the religious often miss is that their beliefs, taken to their "logical" conclusions, will end up in all sorts of ridiculousness and excess, that they then lose control of, to the detriment of whatever public credibility they are trying to project adjacent to their nonsense.
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#14

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 04:18 PM)mordant Wrote: The article does mention that this Holy Foreskin thing is so ridiculous that even the Catholic Church started backing away from it and trying to quash it. And that's saying something.

What the religious often miss is that their beliefs, taken to their "logical" conclusions, will end up in all sorts of ridiculousness and excess, that they then lose control of, to the detriment of whatever public credibility they are trying to project adjacent to their nonsense.

The debate over the sex of angels was also one such ridiculous debate that Catholic Church isn't too proud of and ironically, it's still ongoing to this day in some circles. My personal favorite was the argument against the humanity of women which was supposed to be a satire of those who denied Jesus' divinity, but it became very popular and was taken at face value by a lot of Christians so much so that the Catholic Church censored the text in question as to avoid it being spread around too much.
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#15

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 04:11 PM)Dānu Wrote:
(01-09-2024, 03:56 PM)brewerb Wrote: This will be in my head when eating calamari.

Where's the mind bleach?!

I'll put that off until I have a plate infront of me. Maybe tell the story at the table to get a reaction.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#16

The Holy Prepuce
[quote="Minimalist" pid='415377' dateline='1704773319']
https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/how-...e-god-need

Quote:I mean if the fucker had 12 dicks ...

Well, he had 12 male disciples, so I'm sure he had all the dick he could handle.
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#17

The Holy Prepuce
I'm glad I lost mine at aged 9, it's nicer for the ladies (or men, I'm not prejudiced what ever floats your boat) makes you last a bit longer (again, nicer for all concerned) and as someone who was as a youngster extremely promiscuous probably helped prevent me getting HIV AIDS. I'm a very happy customer and wouldn't have it any other way. I don't reckon it's one of Saturn's rings, its probably lurking at the bottom of a hospital incinerator somewhere.
The whole point of having cake is to eat it Cake_Feast
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#18

The Holy Prepuce
This is so ridiculous. I cannot even fathom this. I guess they are assuming that Jebus was circumcised when he was a baby, like all other male infants. First, it has to be the teeniest piece of skin left from that procedure, how would it even survive all these years. Secondly, who would even save such a thing? It wasn't until Jebus was older, according to the bible, that he became "famous." So, why even? People are just Kray Kray!!!

Also, I had both my sons done. Mostly because my father-in-law, in his 60's was going in for one, because he hadn't had it done at birth and it was giving him trouble. I just said, Nope! Get it done while their little and can't remember.
Formerly WiCharlie Sun
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#19

The Holy Prepuce
That's why it is all horseshit, Charlie.

Of course, something being fucking total horseshit, like say, a dead jew coming back to life to atone for their sins, never stopped them before.
Robert G. Ingersoll : “No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.”
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#20

The Holy Prepuce
(01-10-2024, 10:13 PM)WICharlie Wrote: This is so ridiculous.  I cannot even fathom this.  I guess they are assuming that Jebus was circumcised when he was a baby, like all other male infants.  First, it has to be the teeniest piece of skin left from that procedure, how would it even survive all these years.  Secondly, who would even save such a thing?  It wasn't until Jebus was older, according to the bible, that he became "famous."  So, why even?  People are just Kray Kray!!!

Also, I had both my sons done.  Mostly because my father-in-law, in his 60's was going in for one, because he hadn't had it done at birth and it was giving him trouble.  I just said, Nope!  Get it done while their little and can't remember.

Especially with all of the strays around, 'no kitty, drop that,.............. oh god damn it, look at what we have to worship now!'.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#21

The Holy Prepuce
Well, let's consider the Holy CruxiFICTION. Jesus was cruxified, pierced with spears, died, and was carried to some cave for 3 days. Wherafter, I think they say a rock covering the cave was removed and Jesus walked out and ascended back to Heaven where his father (who was actually also him) must have greeted himself.

So when did the foreskinning actually occur? Did it happen before all that? Surely such an important event would be in the bible. You know how there are all those paragraph numbers. Is there actually one that mentions Jesus's foreskin?

BTW, what happened when Jesus ascended to Heaven. Did God say "welcome home Son" or did he say "welcome back ME". And if Jesus was God on Earth, did Heaven note some absence of God while He was down there? Who organizes the angels when God is "not quite there"? Not that I stay up nights wondering about that, But I think christians probably should. LOL!

And I'll just leave it at that for now...
A bully hides his fears with fake bravado. That is the opposite of self-assertiveness.
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#22

The Holy Prepuce
I figured that the authors wrote themselves into a corner with the ascension story. Yay, our messiah has overcome death! (In whispers) Oh, crap! Now what do we do with him?
Formerly WiCharlie Sun
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#23

The Holy Prepuce
They had plenty of examples from Greco-Roman mythology on the sudden vanishing of people... as in this excerpt from Livy.

Quote:16. After1 these immortal achievements, Romulus held a review of his army at the ‘Caprae Palus’ in the Campus Martius. A violent thunder storm suddenly arose and enveloped the king in so dense a cloud that he was quite invisible to the assembly. From that hour Romulus was no longer seen on earth. [2] When the fears of the Roman youth were allayed by the return of bright, calm sun-shine after such fearful weather, they saw that the royal seat was vacant. Whilst they fully believed the assertion of the Senators, who had been standing close to him, that he had been snatched away to heaven by a whirlwind, still, like men suddenly bereaved, fear and grief kept them for some time speechless. [3] At length, after a few had taken the initiative, the whole of those present hailed Romulus as ‘a god, the son of a god, the King and Father of the City of Rome.’ They put up supplications for his grace and favour, and prayed that he would be propitious to his children and save and protect them.

Titus Livius, The History of Rome from Its Foundation  Book 1, XVI


Of course, Livy was a 1st century BCE and CE writer and somewhat more sophisticated than your average xhristard of the day.  He goes on to say:

Quote:[4] I believe, however, that even then there were some who secretly hinted that he had been torn limb from limb by the senators-a tradition to this effect, though certainly a very dim one, has filtered down to us. [5] The other, which I follow, has been the prevailing one, due, no doubt, to the admiration felt for the man and the apprehensions excited by his disappearance. This generally accepted belief was strengthened by one man's clever device. The tradition runs that Proculus Julius, a man whose authority had weight in matters of even the gravest importance, seeing how deeply the community felt the loss of the king, and how incensed they were against the senators, came forward into the assembly and said: ‘Quirites! [6] at break of dawn, to-day, the Father of this City suddenly descended from heaven and appeared to me. [7] Whilst, thrilled with awe, I stood rapt before him in deepest reverence, praying that I might be pardoned for gazing upon him, ‘Go,’ said he, ‘tell the Romans that it is the will of heaven that my Rome should be the head of all the world. Let them henceforth cultivate the arts of war, and let them know assuredly, and hand down the knowledge to posterity, that no human might can withstand the arms of Rome.’’ [8] It is marvellous what credit was given to this man's story, and how the grief of the people and the army was soothed by the belief which had been created in the immortality of Romulus.


Livy is known for telling a story and then casting doubt on it.  Xhristards?  Not so much.
Robert G. Ingersoll : “No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.”
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#24

The Holy Prepuce
(01-09-2024, 03:46 AM)mordant Wrote: Man, you CANNOT make this stuff up.

Actually, you can, because they did  Big Grin
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