Stupid things the religious say

[Vera]

We have a pics for a laugh at religion thread, but frankly, even the most intelligent joke isn't anywhere as funny as the stuff that comes out of religious people's mouths and for damn serious, too.

I give you (from *the* stupidest guy I've met in my life who's apparently just gotten divorced and frankly, I'm stunned it took this long as his wife was actually not dumb and he was, kid you not, dumber than shit):

"Rejection is Gods (sic) protection"

Another favourite of mine:

"You don't believe in God, you either know Him or you don't."



More to come...

[Vivian Darkbloom]

"I don't believe Jesus is my lord and savior, I KNOW he is, otherwise why would he have suffered and died like that?"

~A co-worker.

[madog]

- Faith is evidence based -

[Szuchow]

"There is no such thing as evolution because we don't have more fingers to better use computers".

Student of theology whom I had met.

[Thumpalumpacus]

"God is good, all the time" is a bumper-sticker I've seen before.

[EvieTheAvocado]

"God exists."

[no one]

Muh huly buuk.
I didn't come from no monkey.
Anything that spills out of Ray Comfort's other asshole.

[possibletarian]

''You don't believe a god exists because you're just angry at God''

[Marozz]

"I'll pray for you"

[Gwaithmir]

"Evolution isn't true! No one is going to call me a monkey!" (Sister Andrew Maria, a nun who taught me religion during my freshman year at St. Jerome High School)

[possibletarian]

I went to a recent Alpha course ( A Christian basics course in the U.K.) to fulfil a promise to a friend..

I said I thought christianity was a made up religion, the leader of the group smiled at me and said ''So you think someone woke up one day and though.. ohh I'll make a religion up, how likely is that ?'' and relaxed looking round the rest of the group smiling thinking he had made his point''

Then I asked if all other religions were true, he said no of course not, I said ''well people make up religions all the time then!'' he looked serious and admitted this was the case.

[Vera]

"There is no such thing as evolution because we don't have more fingers to better use computers".

Student of theology whom I had met.

This is some whole other level of stupid right there.

A quote from a local celebrity priest (that a lady I lived with in Curitiba likes), that I've seen more than one person share and like. I really need to be out of this dumb place full of dumb people ASAP:

"No, he wasn't an atheist. He just couldn't believe in the stupid god they showed him."

From the same genius:

"When suffering knocks, open the door."

[Szuchow]

"There is no such thing as evolution because we don't have more fingers to better use computers".

Student of theology whom I had met.

This is some whole other level of stupid right there.

A quote from a local celebrity priest (that a lady I lived with in Curitiba likes), that I've seen more than one person share and like. I really need to be out of this dumb place full of dumb people ASAP:

"No, he wasn't an atheist. He just couldn't believe in the stupid god they showed him."

From the same genius:

"When suffering knocks, open the door."

Lady saying this was beyond stupid. In addition to idiocy aforementioned she believed in intervention of Mary the Virgin during Poland Russian 1920 war and if I'm not mistaken some worldwide Jewish conspiracy.

[Minimalist]

https://fstdt.com/

Welcome to Fundies Say the Darndest Things

You’re looking at an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet.

[mordant]

A quote from a local celebrity priest (that a lady I lived with in Curitiba likes), that I've seen more than one person share and like. I really need to be out of this dumb place full of dumb people ASAP:

"No, he wasn't an atheist. He just couldn't believe in the stupid god they showed him."

From the same genius:

"When suffering knocks, open the door."

There's nothing quite like the Catholic glorification of suffering. Or, for that matter, the suffering porn that constitutes a significant portion of their art.

[jerry mcmasters]

[Bullets kill everyone around me]

Me: God was protecting me!

[Alan V]

Weird religious ideas: garbage in, garbage out.

[Dānu]

Some dude came running out of the dark as I was walking to the grocery store Tuesday night and accosted me with, "Do you need a prayer for anything today?" I didn't, so I said no, and he went on his way with a parting, "Jesus loves you!" My first thought was to check that I still had all my things and that the sudden encounter had just been a pretext for some sticky fingers.


“The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Mark]

[Bullets kill everyone around me]

Me:  God was protecting me!

Obviously, why else would he have surrounded you with human shields.

[Mark]

The stupidest things the religious say are said by the religious stupid. Likewise with the stupidest stuff our lot says. Hard to say how much religion contributes to the onset of stupid. But with some of the more extreme fundamentalist sects of Christianity it is easy to imagine it must at least be a contributing factor.

[Old Man Marsh]

[mordant]

As a former evangelical, I can tell you that'd be seen by them as a horrifically impertinent, egotistical example of the "sin" of pride, and probably also as blasphemous. That mindset is all about ceding self-determination to the will of the deity. But they never understand that the will of the deity is just what their own handlers claim it to be (and contort the scriptures to support their claims). So it effectively is just ceding personal responsibility and self determination to someone else. And not the someone you're imagining it to be, either.

It also never occurs to them that self-determination leads directly to being personally responsible -- or if it does, they think they aren't up for it (learned helplessness). Instead, it is thought to lead to utter selfishness, bad decisions, and ultimately depraved, mindless pleasure-seeking.

One of the biggest practical revelations about the experience of deconversion is how well the center held. The sky did not fall, I did not become depraved and out of control and selfish and hateful. Nothing in fact changed at all, other than that I now did the Right Thing for better reasons -- not because it was commanded, or because punishments were threatened, but because I chose to out of empathy and personal integrity.

[Old Man Marsh]

As a former evangelical, I can tell you that'd be seen by them as a horrifically impertinent, egotistical example of the "sin" of pride, and probably also as blasphemous. That mindset is all about ceding self-determination to the will of the deity. But they never understand that the will of the deity is just what their own handlers claim it to be (and contort the scriptures to support their claims). So it effectively is just ceding personal responsibility and self determination to someone else. And not the someone you're imagining it to be, either.

It also never occurs to them that self-determination leads directly to being personally responsible -- or if it does, they think they aren't up for it (learned helplessness). Instead, it is thought to lead to utter selfishness, bad decisions, and ultimately depraved, mindless pleasure-seeking.

One of the biggest practical revelations about the experience of deconversion is how well the center held. The sky did not fall, I did not become depraved and out of control and selfish and hateful. Nothing in fact changed at all, other than that I now did the Right Thing for better reasons -- not because it was commanded, or because punishments were threatened, but because I chose to out of empathy and personal integrity.

I was brought up in a borderline fundamentalist cult environment. I know what you're talking about.

[brewerb]

Abstinence is the only way.

Boys that touch themselves are going to hell.

[Vera]

Boys that touch themselves are going to hell.

Yep, they should wait till they're men and then start touching boys. With that the church has no problem