atheism & siblings

[Bows]

I’m lways interested by family dynamics. Many people follow whatever faith they were raised in, but others don’t.

So some questions, because I’m a curious person.

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
2. Do you family members still follow?
3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?


I’ll go first,  I was raised in a non religious home.  Mom was raised Catholic, Dad was Presbyterian and had to take classes so they could marry back in the 50s.  After they married both stopped attending all together unless it was a wedding or a funeral. We didn’t even go on Christmas or Easter.

My siblings (5 total) have gone different ways. I’m the baby and as a kid my older sister kinda pushed some religion stuff on me, books of bible stories, matching cross necklaces.  I’m not sure if that was just a phase for her, or what. My oldest brother has always be an out atheist. 2 middle brothers followed their wives to church, one catholic one baptist.  My sister seems to have dropped whatever small amount of faith she had, she joins me in eye rolls when the catholic brother starts with god talk.

My husband was raised in very conservative church, we tried a non denomination church when we were first married, since I never really attended I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something. It didn’t last long. As of today he still considers himself a Christian but I see it slowly slipping away. I don’t know if he will ever shed it completely, but he is atleast questioning and realizing his parents were on the fanatical side when it comes to religion (they are Ken Ham supporters if that gives you any idea).  Husband has come a long way.

ok, what’s your story?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Two sibs. Younger sister, no church going I know of. Older brother, went because his wife went. He was an Irish Setter, pretty, but dumb.

[Mathilda]

Quite a split in my family.

My Dad is from Southern Germany so is a default Christian (down there Catholicism is quite big). My mum was brought up in a house of woo. My English grandmother was a spiritualist, a medium, faith healer and was always talking about the ghost world surrounding them.

My mum grew up a default Christian (Church of England). We didn't go to church, nor at Christmas. But my brother and I were sent to private schools which taught creationism (my mum claims she didn't know they taught this).

I then went off to state school (the equivalent of a public school in America). My brother went off to what we refer to in the UK as public school (the equivalent of a very posh private boarding school in America).

The religious conditioning never stuck with me but the woo-conditioning was particularly stubborn and I only managed to get rid of it when I did masters degree in a science based subject. I eventually discovered enough to become a gnostic atheist.

My brother turned into a raging capitalist with a sense of entitlement (I blame posh school he got sent to), but then flipped to become a born again Christian. He's become more zealous over the years and has now joined a cult.

He managed to get my dad to start going to church on a regular basis, maybe because my dad has had a few brushes with death (e.g. open heart surgery three times, cancer etc). My mum has become an agnostic atheist, although she doesn't really refer to herself as that.

[Chas]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
2. Do you family members still follow?
3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

Our mother made us go to church (Congregational) every Sunday.  Our father never went.
It turned out that my mother was, at most, agnostic - more probably atheist.  I believe it was about community and social acceptance.
I have five siblings, two sisters and three brothers.  One sister seems to be a believer of some sort, and one brother is sort of 'spiritual'.  The rest of us are atheists.


Amusingly, I was president of our church youth group in high school.  I've always been atheist.

[julep]

I was raised in an extremely religious home.  (Those of you who've heard my story might want to skip the next couple of paragraphs)

From the time I was about 3 years old until I was 9, my father worked part-time as a Baptist minister but was not charismatic enough to get hired by a church that could pay him full-time income.  My mother played piano for the services.  At one point he started his own church, but that faded quickly.  When I was 9, he got hired full-time by a prison ministry program, and I went from preachers kid to missionary kid, which means we moved around to whatever prison system he was assigned to serve. 

There were three of us kids, and we all went to church several times a week, had to discuss Bible verses daily at breakfast, danced on tables while singing songs about Jesus, etc., etc.  If we didn't behave, it got mentioned in the Sunday sermons, as well as in mealtime prayers.  (According to my father, God was dreadfully disappointed in me, although I wanted desperately to be a good Christian.)  Once my father got involved in the prison ministry, I and my sibs were put to work as free labor for that business.  We stuffed envelopes, graded Bible quizzes, did housework and other chores at the halfway house we ran for ex cons, and were expected to be perfect representatives of my father in the Baptist church we attended that had agreed to kick in part of my father's salary.  My father went to church only on Sunday evenings, since on Sunday mornings he was always in jail. 

Eventually my mother ran away with one of the ex cons, the prison ministry fired my father for not being able to control his woman, and my father made us kids keep going to the same Baptist church, where we were universally shunned by the good Christians there.  I have no idea what my father was doing on those Sunday mornings, but he wasn't with us.  My mother came to pick us up after the service--often a couple of hours late, her convicted-rapist boyfriend in the front seat--on some Sundays.  Ah, good times. 

At this point, none of us was soured on Christianity, just some types of Christians.  I left to go to college and never went back, and while in college I studied religions and philosophy and came to an atheist POV. 

My sister doesn't go to church, but she's an eastern philosophy-type person who believes in some kind of god and various spirits. 

My brother became an Episcopalian. 

My mother's views are similar to my sister's: there's a god, woo, but not Christian.  She broke up with the boyfriend after a few years; he moved to Alaska and was murdered there. 

My father is even more religious than he used to be.  He went back into physics after getting fired from the ministry, married again, and has recently retired.  A few years ago he started a new prison ministry and is deeply involved in it.  Also he's writing books of Christian essays. 

I'm still an atheist.  My husband is atheist, and has been since I've known him.  Our son is atheist, after spending a couple of years learning about Christianity and going to church for a while.  He's extremely interested in mythology, especially creation stories, but recognizes them as stories. 

Nobody in my family is happy with my being an atheist. 

[Full Circle]

So some questions, because I’m a curious person.

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
2. Do you family members still follow?
3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

1. Religiously (see what I did there?)
2. 2 of 3 brothers appear to still go to church, 1 Catholic, 1 charismatic? Not sure what that one believes but they are very “blessed”, everything is “blessed”. Their latest bowel movement was blessed.
3. Like a fart in an elevator church.
4. Pretty much, she just doesn’t talk about it.

[Dancefortwo]

No religion in my life.  My brothers are nothings.  They think religion is about the worst bunch of crap humans have come up with and it's caused undue heartache and death for thousands of years.  My parents were also non-religious.  I think they may have believed that maybe something cause something to happen but never talked about it much.  Thought religions were dreadful.  My sister is the only holdout.  She converted to Christianity when she was around 26 and has been a bit of a royal pain in the ass since then.  She hasn't spoken to me in about 10 years now. 

[LonaWolf]

1. Yes. I was raised Roman Catholic by my mother (married, dad never attended except Easter and Christmas, he was raised Anglican, fell in to and out of scientology and became perhaps agnostic. He prayed a handful of times with me as a child, now I lay me down to sleep sort of stuff). I have completed all my sacraments except marriage (married by commissioner) and death.

2. Mom yes, same as growing up. Dad same too. Oldest sister (half sister) grew up with her mom, Scientologist. Oldest sister is atheist, I am floating around unlabelled but zero pressure, brother believes but doesn’t practice, he’s mentioned believing maybe once in the past 15 years.

3.  I never announced it. Everyone is easy going. Mom told me she prays for us, worries and has baptized my kids in their bath water when she’s had them over for visits and overnight stays.  Breaks my heart. I’m 100% ok with my mom loving my kids like this, she is a gentle and caring woman who never guilt tripped us for believing. .

4.  Husband is the same more or less. Good match there, no conflict.

[Smercury44]

I wasn’t raised in a religious household. Neither was my dad, but my mom was raised to be very active in the church. Religion was never a topic in our household, and my parents never took me or my sister to church. Ever. My grandma made sure my mister and I went to bible school when we were very young, that got me into the whole church thing and for several of my teen years I went to church at least three times a week and to summer church camp with a friend and her family. This inevitably led to me being concerned about why my own family didn’t go to church. You know, won’t everyone burn in Hell? (Thanks a lot ). My mom casually brushed away my concerns. No big deal was the message I got.

I’ll admit all through my time at the church I had doubts. I assumed everyone else obviously knew there wasn’t a big mansion waiting for us in heaven when we died, that we all just said those things cause it was nice to think about and what you’re supposed to think. When I realized that was not how everyone else saw it I pulled away.

It wasn’t until my early 20s I even gave my religious beleifs any real thought, once I did it was quite obvious I didn’t beleive any of it. I remember a lunch with my parents and grandma, the topic of God cake up and I just mentioned I don’t beleive in God. Shocked look from my grandma, worried apprehension from my mom, and my dad said he was Agnostic. First I’d known that! It blew over quite easily, and never came up again. I was very lucky. Found out my sister was an atheist too, not so sure at the moment. She’s flip flopped a couple of times

[jerry mcmasters]

Religious family, but Methodist so nothing serious.

[ghostexorcist]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?

My maternal grandmother grew up in the boonies of Kentucky, where the local church was many miles away. So her Baptist family just read the bible at home. Therefore, church was not an integral part of my mother's life (and subsequently mine) growing up. The only time we would go to church was for a wedding or funeral.

After my parents split, the only time I regularly attended church was when my father started dating a very religious lady. I attended Sunday school long enough as a child to be baptized, but it didn't really have any special significance for me. I personally thought church was silly; I was more of a deist back then.

2. Do you family members still follow?

My mother is spiritual but still doesn't go to church. Oddly enough, she believes in reincarnation. I'm not sure exactly how that concept worked its way into her belief. My step-father is an atheist, I think. I'm sure the two have spoken about religion before.

My older sister went to Sunday school and was baptized with me. She believes but never attended church as an adult until these last few years. She attended on and off again depending on how stressed her and her husband are. It was pretty much a crutch (something I pointed out to her). When they had plenty of money and were in good spirits, they conveniently forgot or didn't have time for church (funny, huh?). But nowadays they go to church more for the social aspect. Plus their pastor has a psychology degree, so he's a good therapist.

My younger half-brother's mother raised him Catholic, but I don't think he's a strong believer.

My younger half-sister's mother (the lady mentioned above) raised her Mormon, but I don't think she's super religious either.

My nephew is kind of a buddhist, I guess. He doesn't believe in any gods, but he thinks there has to be some kind of afterlife. I'm not sure what my niece's beliefs are. She's hard to read.

3. how did your atheism go over with the family?

I always just told my grandmother and extended family that I was "not religious" and left it at that. My mother and sister knew I was an atheist and were upset but have adjusted to the idea. I don't think I've ever talked to my father about it. I know he's more conservative and not a big fan of evolution. He seemed worried when he learned I was majoring in Biological Anthropology in college.

4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

It's never been an issue with any of the girls I've dated. The mother of my longest long term GF once asked about my status. I just told her I was non religious. Both mother and daughter were college-educated, so I doubt it was a big problem for them. I currently live in Taiwan. I think my GF's family is Buddhist. I'm not sure what her beliefs are. She's big into heavy metal, though. She wears lots of black and pentagrams, but I'm sure that is just her style.

[SYZ]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
2. Do you family members still follow?
3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

•  Reluctant Sunday school attendee age 6 to around 11.

•  Nope.  Parents deceased, and one brother no opinion.

•  No issues at all with conservative, nominally Christian parents.

•  Partner is nominally agnostic, leaning to atheism.

[Nursey]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?

Every Sunday, Sunday night, Wednesday night, children’s and youth choir, “Fifth Quarter” (Christian youth meetup after the football games), and any other event where the church doors were open, as well as youth mission trips. I got to stay home when I was sick. Now I can miss it for work.

2. Do you family members still follow?
My brother is an atheist. Everyone else is Southern Baptist with a sprinkle of Methodist, and heavily involved in their churches.

3. how did your atheism go over with the family ? When they found my TFTSNBN bookmark, my world got rocked. I was almost kicked out of the house (with my hours and financial recovery from divorce...that would have made it very difficult with my son - I would have been temporarily homeless and lost custody - that’s why I disappeared from TFTSNBN). I currently attend Sunday School as well as Sunday morning worship at a southern baptist church. Things are much more calm now. My brother is the shunned black sheep of the family. My grandfather will sometimes call him crying because he’s afraid my brother is going to burn in Hell.

4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours? My ex husband is a Christian - Methodist - and a preacher’s son. My ex boyfriend from the past year and a half is agnostic. There’s an engineer my Mom’s friend wants to set me up with once I’m feeling better - he told mom’s super duper religious friend that he’s checking out churches but hasn’t settled on one. I’m hoping like hell that he’s an atheist and is saying he “hasn’t found a church home” to appease them - he’s from up North, just not sure where, plus he’s got to be wicked smart to be where he is in his career. Online dating apps were great for finding other atheists in a sea of conservative Christians, not so great for finding worthwhile dates.

[Aliza]

I’m lways interested by family dynamics. Many people follow whatever faith they were raised in, but others don’t.

So some questions, because I’m a curious person.

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
2. Do you family members still follow?
3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

I was raised culturally Jewish, but not observant. Jewish "religiousness" is different than Christian religiousness because in Judaism, emphasis is placed more on action than on the thoughts one has in their heads. I chose to become more observant as I found my way into adulthood. You can believe all you want, but if you're believing with all your heart and driving to synagogue on Friday night, then you're just not doing it right.

As many of you already know, I'm not an atheist. In my case, it would be more appropriate to ask how my theism was taken by my family, and really it was a non-issue. The objective is to be happy and successful and that goal can be achieved with our without G-d.

I prefer to partner with less observant guys. I've been in relationships with very religious men and I've found that when there's an expectation of religious observance, I feel stifled. It's something I want to enjoy on my own terms, and because I wasn't raised observant, it's not the default for me. Still, if I feel like being more observant, I want my S.O. to be cool with that too. Try finding that combination in a partner!

[leerob]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
Until I was 6 years old, I was raised without faith.
When I was 6, my mom had "an experience" and became religious.
I was then baptized, at that age (was actually pretty nice) into the roman catholic church.
From then on, we went to church and at about dunno 8 or 9, prepared and received first communion.
Around that time though I also lost my faith for several reasons into which I am not going to get into atm.
But I understood at this point that everybody just has a faith and most of the people are roman catholic (excuse me, I was 9 at the time and most people around me were roman catholic)
I was still a bit brain washed about always being watched by god, which later on would grow into me having bad af paranoia.
In Germany, when you turn 12, you have the right to choose your religion, so I decided that I will not keep going to church any longer.
But this is also when I started to buy more and more into witchcraft and magic etc. healing hands, tarot, the whole thing. Mostly because my mom also believed in it, and her friends did too, etc...

2. Do you family members still follow?
My semen giver part person (I refuse to say "father") is an atheist.
My mom doesn't give a shit but also doesn't believe anything any more really.
Brother 1: Doesn't give a shit but also doesn't currently believe anything.
Brother 2: Doesn't give a shit but is easily influenced. So no idea what the person he is with believes because that's what it depends on really lol

3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
All good. Nobody in my family really gives a shit if and what anybody else believes or doesn't believe.

4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?
I can only talk about the ex as I am currently single. But we met through the same stage in our de-conversions (him from Christianity and me from that witchcraft stuff). So basically we both grew out of it together.
For any future spouse: Being religious is an absolute no-go. I know I sound like an asshole, but I do not intend to be in a relationship with a religious person.

[Aliza]

For any future spouse: Being religious is an absolute no-go. I know I sound like an asshole, but I do not intend to be in a relationship with a religious person.

That doesn't make you sound like an asshole. You sound like you know what want and don't want.

I don't intend to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't speak my language. They may be a perfectly nice person, but if we can't connect because of a barrier (language or otherwise), then we can't be in a relationship.

[RobbyPants]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?

I was raised Lutheran. We attended church fairly regularly. At some periods we went more or less often. We never really went on holidays; those were always family affairs. In my early 20s, when I was working a lot on the weekends, it was largely up to me if I'd go. Some weeks I'd go when my family didn't, and vice versa.

When I was 24, I became the youngest (at the time) elder of our church. I continued in that office for five years until I had my first kid. By that time, I'd moved 30 minutes away, and it was too much work on Sundays for me to want to keep it up. This was about two years before I left Christianity.

2. Do you family members still follow?

My brother is also atheist. He's gay, and our super-conservative Lutheran church has a pretty staunch "stay in the closet or leave" policy. My sister is still religious, but I'm not sure how often they go. My parents are religious, but my dad got out of the habit of attending services when he was working third shift for years. I don't know that he started now that he's retired.

3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?

My brother is obviously fine with it, and we talk about it time to time. I'm sure my parents would be happier if I were religious, but they don't give me grief about it, and I think my dad understands to a point. I'm not sure what they believe about hell. They're relatively progressive on social issues.

4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

It was a sore point for years to the point where we almost got divorced. My (still Christian) wife didn't take it well. She's the sort of liberal Christian who doesn't believe in hell, and believes that I'll go to heaven when I die. She's willing to jettison about any orthodox theology (the Trinity, resurrection, whatever). if she feels it makes more sense. It's a bit telling that if someone with beliefs that accommodating to atheism still has trouble with it, this is an uphill battle. She feels something that she calls "God", and her Christianity is largely a cultural and habitual sort of thing.

Politically, she and I are pretty similar, and that's helped in a lot of ways.

[RobbyPants]

2. Do you family members still follow?
My brother is an atheist. Everyone else is Southern Baptist with a sprinkle of Methodist, and heavily involved in their churches.

3. how did your atheism go over with the family ? When they found my TFTSNBN bookmark, my world got rocked. I was almost kicked out of the house (with my hours and financial recovery from divorce...that would have made it very difficult with my son - I would have been temporarily homeless and lost custody - that’s why I disappeared from TFTSNBN). I currently attend Sunday School as well as Sunday morning worship at a southern baptist church. Things are much more calm now. My brother is the shunned black sheep of the family. My grandfather will sometimes call him crying because he’s afraid my brother is going to burn in Hell.

Do you talk to your brother about your beliefs?

[abaris]

Replying to the OP, I was raised in an easter and christmas catholic family. That's when we attended church. Bot my grandfathers were jews, to top it off, but the one that I knew, who didn't die before I was born, never saw a temple from the inside and loved his roast pork.

Later on, my parents became regular church goers. Not because they were that religious, I think, but because they found a lot of friends in the community. There never were any issues when I slept in on sundays and didn't attend.

Come to think of it, we never really talked about religion in my family. It's not the usual thing to do where I live and I can't even say, if my older brother or my sister in law, are religious at all. I suspect that my sister in law is some kind of new ager. Always was, being into some spiritual whoo-stuff. But again, there's so much to discuss at family meeting that religious stuff isn't playing any role at all.

Even my mother, who probably was the most religious of the family, accepted when I told her that we are nothing but evolved apes. And my father, a technician, probably laid out the first stepping stone for me becoming an atheist. When visiting the museum of natural history, looking at the dinosaur skeletons and him telling me that they were countless millions of years old.

[skyking]

I don't believe in siblings either.

[Chas]

I don't believe in siblings either.

Oh, brother. 

[skyking]

I don't believe in siblings either.

Oh, brother. 

Just a little humor, very little humor.
Our family was pretty much atheist/agnostic from the start. One cousin took up the fundamental Catholicism of his wife and is estranged from the family. It's the polar opposite of so many stories here.

[Vivian Darkbloom]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?

Oh, yes. Mass every Sunday, Holy Days of Obligation, CCD classes once a week through high school. Parents are both very conservative Catholics.
I tried my best through all this. In fact I was a good little Catholic boy who believed everything he was told.
I fully realized my atheism while attending a Catholic University, of all places.

2. Do your family members still follow?

Of the eleven of us (ya heard my parents were Catholics, right?), seven married and are still religious and raise their children as Catholics. Eldest sibling is single and Catholic. One brother, one sister, and I are non-religious.

3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?

I think my parents pretty much don't believe that I am atheist. They know I don't go to church and haven't done for over twenty years, but we never really talk about it.

4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

No SO.

[c172]

I’m lways interested by family dynamics. Many people follow whatever faith they were raised in, but others don’t.

So some questions, because I’m a curious person.

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?
2. Do you family members still follow?
3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?
4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

Family dynamics are extremely interesting, I agree. I actually don't have siblings, but am part of my family as an only child, so I'll chime in as such if it pleases the court.

1. Before 1982, no. In 1982, my biological father suffered a massive stroke and was bedridden until his 1990 death. He was exposed to Agent Orange, which is suspect in my disability as well, which is [url=http://"http://www.spinabifidaassociation.org/what-is-sb.html"]spina bifida[/url]. In the following years, I was sent to be with a babysitting family as needed, and they attended a Christian church that met in a YMCA. Looking back, it felt like a non-denom, but it's hard to remember. Does the Y have its own denomination, or does it just host others' services? Anyone know?

After a while, my mother was displeased with the thoughts I was coming home with, apparently, and fired that family. Next was an old lady from Canada who attended the Unitarian Universalist Church. I started going with her, I think of my own volition, and I felt a sense of community there. I felt accepted, which sometimes I was starving for in the rest of my life.

But in 2006, after having not attended a while because of moves, my adopted father and I were sitting in a Pizza Hut in Pennsylvania, just talking about life. Nothingness came up, and suddenly I actually understood it. I think my lack of beliefe in a god kind of predates that, but that moment confirmed it for me. Shortly after, I started seeking out these kinds of boards.

2. My mother was raised Episcopalian. She is now nominally Unitarian, but she really just likes the hymns. My biological father is dead. My adopted father was not raised with religion, but lots of his extended family are Jewish.

3. My family accepts it. My grandmother has brought up the church as a community, and she's not wrong by any stretch. My mother believes in some sort of god, and has challenged me a bit, but again, church is about the hymns for her, and I hate singing. God, to her, is a beautiful rainbow, the laughter of a small child, the smile of a neighbor, etc.

4. I am unmarried. Never even had a girlfriend. At 42, I am more content than ever with that. I never wanted my own kids, and I see marriages fail so quickly nowadays. So I am truly happy as a bachelor. I will say that I have been prone to crushes on the fairer gender, though. And usually, they are WASPy girls (white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant). Not sure how that last part would work if I were interested in a relationship.

[M.Linoge]

1. Were you raised regularly attending church?

No. I grew up with a mix of pagan stories and basic Christianity from the clergy in the family. Information, not indoctrination.

2. Do you family members still follow?

My younger siblings have opted out of the religion game. I like to think I had a hand in that.
My parents were deists, sort of. As they grew older they became more interested in religion. I gave them some choice chapters to look up and convinced them that organised religion is the wrong way to go for them.
It was a civilized discussion.

3. how did your atheism go over with the family ?

It went well.
They were not surprised. I became a hardheaded pragmatist very early in life, with my nose stuck in textbooks but never the bible.

4. what about your spouse or SO, does their belief/non belief match yours?

Never had one. If I did, they would. I can't relate to supernatural beliefs and the anti-logic people use to justify it irritates me.