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Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by Phaedrus - 07-27-2021, 09:24 AM
(07-27-2021, 04:31 AM)c172 Wrote: No Sarasota/Venice?

Nope, it didn't pan out. Moving seems to be too much trouble, honestly.
Posted by c172 - 07-27-2021, 04:31 AM
No Sarasota/Venice?
Posted by Phaedrus - 07-27-2021, 03:10 AM
(07-26-2021, 05:18 PM)no one Wrote: So, you're staying in Orlando?

Are you still assisting the old fogies, or are you headed to the medical treatment side?

I never lived in Orlando. I live in Clearwater.

And I am remaining a CNA at a LTF.
Posted by no one - 07-26-2021, 05:18 PM
So, you're staying in Orlando?

Are you still assisting the old fogies, or are you headed to the medical treatment side?
Posted by Phaedrus - 07-26-2021, 05:01 PM
Having been out of work for the last two months, I am finally returning to the workforce.

I had an interview last week, and this morning I received a call to inform me that I have orientation tomorrow.

I am elated, because I am tired of sitting on my keister.
Posted by Phaedrus - 07-02-2021, 04:37 AM
I am reticent to use the word perfect, for it is often a representation of an unattainable fantasy. Therefore, when mentioning one's state of comfort in the world, it is more realistic referring to one's state of content as ever shifting. There is no stability in any given situation regarding one's life and family. There is always something dark to be gleaned from that which we cover with a veneer of false promotion.

Happiness is fleeting, disquiet is inevitable.
Posted by Phaedrus - 07-01-2021, 01:00 AM
Been away for such a while that I forgot about this thread. hehe
Posted by Phaedrus - 03-01-2021, 04:21 PM
I wish I could die in my sleep today so that I don't have to deal with reality any more.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-26-2021, 01:52 PM
Fifty-five to one-hundred and fifty-one words.

Now it's time to lay down and get ready to sleep.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-26-2021, 12:39 PM
My boyfriend must think the trash will grow legs and walk itself down to the dumpster.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-26-2021, 11:30 AM
From thirty to fifty-five words with the forum contest piece. Taking my time with this, because I want it to be just right. Generally, I can write about five hundred words a night, when I have a muse lending its help to me, but with this piece I really just want to take it slowly.

So much conscientious editing going on.

After major focus on editing, 55 words went to 57 words.
Posted by TheGentlemanBastard - 02-24-2021, 09:39 PM
(02-24-2021, 01:01 AM)SYZ Wrote: Ahhh...

This morning's news made my day.  "Elon Musk loses $19 billion after bitcoin and Tesla shares plunge".

            PartyBalloons

But, did he even notice? That may be a metric shit-ton of money to you and me, but isn't it just a rounding error to him?
Posted by SYZ - 02-24-2021, 07:49 PM
Hey Phaedrus...

I really like the effort you're obviously putting into your writing, and I also appreciate that
you're posting it here for us to have a look-see.  I've never published anything in my life,
and I couldn't write decent fiction if you paid me 10 dollars a word, but I have been a voracious
reader for six decades.  Please don't think I'm just trying to be being picky.      Sun    

A couple of things you need to avoid are the overuse of the personal pronoun, and also adding
"padding" that doesn't move the story along EGs:

"I reached into my pocket with my left hand and pulled out my phone. It was cracked, broken, and pushing the side button did nothing to activate it. Apparently, I had destroyed it when I fell down."

How about this...

"Reaching into my pocket for my phone, I found it was dead, apparently destroyed by my fall."  

"The last person to make an appearance was the androgynous individual from chemistry class. I had no name to put to the person, and I still could not discern a gender. As I had said to myself before, it did not matter."

Maybe...

"Last in the doorway was the chemistry class oddity, who, according to Florence, was named Easton."

The other thing is that these kids seem all too calm and rational—considering that nearly everybody
in their school's just been vapourised.

"Had gravity been free to do what it does best, the ashes would be spread over the floor instead of
in neat little mounds.
"  and  "There's definitely something not right with the ashy mounds. But what's
right about everyone suddenly becoming dust?
"

Where's the terrified screaming, their horrified responses, the sheer panic, the tears, the desperation
and utter chaos?  These kids are talking about this so dispassionately—almost as though they're discussing
a science experiment back in that chemistry classroom.  In this horrendous, potentially life threatening
scenario are they really gonna be standing around, calmly discussing the geometry of the ashy cones?

And this...

"I did not see a boy there in Easton, but one's gender was not a pressing issue. At any given time, actually, but especially not when the world was on the verge of ending or had already ended."

Possibly unnecessary as it stands.  Why even talk about Easton's confusing gender—a third time?  And how do
you—as the protagonist—surmise that the world was about to end, or had ended?  To me, neither were obvious.

I hope this is helpful mate.      Nod
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-24-2021, 03:19 PM
Chapter two done. Let me know what you think.

The second half:

Show ContentSpoiler:

And now it's time for bed.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-24-2021, 02:08 PM
When you read a good crime book or watch a truly diabolical crime show, you think to yourself, "Wow, what kind of mind could create this?"

I think the same thing. I don't consider myself innocent by an standard, but I could never create a truly evil character. You know the character you want to hate so much. I've tried, trust me, but there's something in me that prevents it. I can write what I write, but I cannot write evil.

Okay, with that out of the way, let me settle down and attempt to finish chapter two before I go to sleep.
Posted by SYZ - 02-24-2021, 01:01 AM
Ahhh...

This morning's news made my day.  "Elon Musk loses $19 billion after bitcoin and Tesla shares plunge".

            PartyBalloons
Posted by Dancefortwo - 02-23-2021, 03:52 PM
(02-23-2021, 12:54 PM)Phaedrus Wrote: Tried, but I couldn't find anything to edit in chapter one. Therefore, I wrote half of chapter two last night.

Show ContentSpoiler:

I had planned on fluctuating between first and third person from one chapter to the another, but I decided to just keep it first person in its entirety. Third person perspective really confuses me anyway.

I don't know if you're familiar with the American writer, Damon Runyon, who came out of the Depression era with all sorts of oddball New York City street characters in his stories,  but he almost always wrote in present tense and I'm pretty sure many of his stories are first person, present tense.    It was a strange way of writing.  Guys and Dolls is a musical based on one of his short stories.   His stories are out of fashion these days because some of them have racist connotation. One Black character is called Stove Lid but then he calls another, rather ugly person Harry the Horse so in Runyan's world everyone had equal billing.  

A British humorist E. C. Bentley wrote. 

Quote:‘In all the Runyon stories, as published in America, I have found only one single instance of a verb in the past tense. 

Whenever I think about writing in different tenses I think about Damon Runyon.
Posted by GenesisNemesis - 02-23-2021, 03:19 PM
Over the years I've been becoming more and more laid back, in terms of not caring much about what my personal accomplishments might be. I still care about politics though of course and I still enjoy learning about various subjects. It's just less to do with ego "look how great I am!", and more to do with  plain curiosity. It probably has to do with having had a few reminders of the fragility or finality of life, so I no longer care about certain things as much anymore. Some people might argue that should make me more concerned about "productivity", but I think each person should approach this in their own way and not be pressured by others towards "productivity". It's also hard enough just to be human or to accept all of the terrible things human beings are capable of, so I don't blame anyone for "not being productive". People should be given as much time as they need to work things out.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-23-2021, 12:54 PM
Tried, but I couldn't find anything to edit in chapter one. Therefore, I wrote half of chapter two last night.

Show ContentSpoiler:

I had planned on fluctuating between first and third person from one chapter to the another, but I decided to just keep it first person in its entirety. Third person perspective really confuses me anyway.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-22-2021, 12:35 PM
Had already written chapter two, but then I deleted it. I'm thinking of doing some editing on chapter one before I continue with chapter two.
Posted by SYZ - 02-21-2021, 05:36 PM
(02-21-2021, 05:38 AM)Phaedrus Wrote: Ordered a new necklace. Should be getting it soon.

Nice! Celtic spiral?
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-21-2021, 05:38 AM
Ordered a new necklace. Should be getting it soon.

Show ContentSpoiler:
Posted by SYZ - 02-20-2021, 04:29 PM
(02-19-2021, 12:52 PM)Phaedrus Wrote: Chapter One complete...

...Uncertain of a book title for now, except that after the main title I might add The Moon Chronicles. *shrugs* We'll see.

I like this.  I actually like it more than your earlier sci-fi piece here.      Thumbs Up

This is a particularly evocative scene-setter:  "October Valley, aptly named due
to the breathtaking beauty of the area during the autumn months. That season
had passed, along with the majesty of the winter snows, and the town was laid
bare in its transitional ugliness
."

That last phrase is perfect.
Posted by Dancefortwo - 02-19-2021, 08:06 PM
So three or four days ago I went for a walk in the snow around the neighborhood.  The snow was over a foot deep in some areas and it was very difficult to tell if I was on the sidewalk or the grassy strip between the road and the sidewalk or even if I was walking on the road itself.  There were lots of snowdrifts.  

So I'm walking along and took a step and sank almost four feet into the snow into a big hole.  I brused the inside of my leg from the knee down.  I got myself out of the hole in the snow but there was so much snow I couldn't tell why there was such a drop in the ground.  The snow has since melted and I went back to find where I had fallen through.  Turns out it was a Verizon fiber optics juncture and it looked like over a dozen different wires were connected to other wires.   Our electricity didn't go out during the storm because so many of our electrical wiring is underground.   The green plastic Verizon protective lid had cracked and when I stepped on it I fell right through.   I don't know how dangerous this was or whether I might have fried myself to death but I'm going to phone Verizon and tell them about it.  Seems very dangerous to me.
Posted by Phaedrus - 02-19-2021, 12:52 PM
Chapter One complete:

Show ContentSpoiler:

Uncertain of a book title for now, except that after the main title I might add The Moon Chronicles. *shrugs* We'll see.
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