I'm insane.

[Link]

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me.  That was not the way to approach the God question.  Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.

It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me,  no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam,  I see how the madness took me then too. 

It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there.  It's the worse insanity at it's worse.

It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.

I've been insane. This is insanity.  This isn't normal. And it has to stop.

I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time.  The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am,  I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.

My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.

It's truly been a waste of time.

[Minimalist]

Seriously, man, no fucking around.  You need to get professional help.

No one here is qualified to help you.

[Phaedrus]

I do not consider you, as a person, to be abnormal or insane. Rather, it is your singularly focused approach to religion and god that is alienating.

[Cavebear]

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me.  That was not the way to approach the God question.  Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.

It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me,  no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam,  I see how the madness took then too. 

It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there.  It's the worse insanity at it's worse.

It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.

I've been insane. This is insanity.  This isn't normal. And it has to stop.

I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time.  The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am,  I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.

My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.

It's truly been a waste of time.

You know yourself best, but yes, you don't seem "normal". If I was you, I would either throw myself onto the mercies of priests or imams or go to an atheist therapist to resolve your idiotic confusion.

Yes, I'm kidding...

You are fine. Everyone has doubts in the deepest recesses of their mind. No one truly knows "the answers", and we just do our best to understand the universe and why we are here. I am personally convinced (by lack of evidence) there are no deities and that ALL can be explained by facts and logic. And that pursuing facts leads us to a better understanding of our existence. We learn more every day.

Relax, take a deep breath, and take whatever time you need to decide what is and what isn't.

I grew up in a family that was not quite religious or atheist. Maybe a slight Deistic idea that something created the universe but wasn't much concerned about the results. When I was 12, I was definitely atheist, but I kind of thought I was the only one. That was tough.

I found others in my late 20s and never looked back. But everyone has to make their own decision. Best of deciding to you.

[TheGentlemanBastard]

Haven't seen dozens of these "I've gotta stop" threads before.

You're not insane, you're addicted. Seek help.

[Cavebear]

Haven't seen dozens of these "I've gotta stop" threads before.

You're not insane, you're addicted. Seek help.

Some people have doubts along their way through life. I respect that. It's the ones who are firmly idiotic that I don't.

[epronovost]

if you think you have a problem of compulsive behavior or passing through severe mood swings you might want to consult a certified psychologist or your familly doctor if you have one/GP that could orient you toward care appropriate for you. Even perfectly healthy people can gain from a visit to a psychologist just like healthy people benefit from a visit to their GP for a checkup.

[Alan V]

It takes time to sort things out, especially when you are entertaining competing perspectives.

A part of being young is experimenting with different perspectives. Once we settle into whatever we find acceptable, we may feel our earlier behavior was blameworthy. But it's just a part of growing up.

Multiculturalism isn't easy for anyone, if we take it seriously.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

It's truly been a waste of time.

إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللَّٰهُ

[brewerb]

This type of self insight is a good sign for people with your condition.

[Chimp3]

Link: "It's truly been a waste of time."

For you perhaps but I've enjoyed it.

[Charladele]

"I've been super pathetic my whole life."

Link, I felt this way a lot while I was growing up. It wasn't until I was an adult that I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder, bordering on Panic Disorder. I also have to monitor myself for depression. I didn't get this way out of the blue. My father was an angry man. He was controlling and verbally abusive. I can't tell you how many times he told me that I wasn't going to amount to anything. As a kid, I had no reason to not believe him. Now, though, after much soul searching and actual research, I don't hold it against him. He came from a sibling group of five and every single one of them have suffered from depression. And he was a soldier in WWII. What he had is called Post-traumatic stress syndrome. So he couldn't help it. He could have used some help too.

People can change and forge a new path, regardless of their background. If you are looking back and don't like your previous behavior, that is a good thing. It means you are willing to change and that you have a conscience. But don't beat yourself up about past woes so badly that you can't move forward. Low self esteem takes time to turn around, but it can be done. I am proud of myself today. You can get there too. What you have isn't insanity. It's called being human.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Permalosers just whine a lot.

[Dancefortwo]

I'm not a professional psychologist but it could be that your fixation on religion is a symptom of other problems you aren't addressing.   You might look into therapy with someone who is not of any religious persuasion to sort things out.

[adey67]

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me.  That was not the way to approach the God question.  Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.

It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me,  no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam,  I see how the madness took  me then too. 

It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there.  It's the worse insanity at it's worse.

It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.

I've been insane. This is insanity.  This isn't normal. And it has to stop.

I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time.  The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am,  I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.

My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.

It's truly been a waste of time.

I sympathise greatly as I've felt a bit like this for years please can I give you some advice.

Firstly get yourself to a doctor pronto as someone else said no one here is qualified to help you in any truly meaningful way.

Secondly if you're prescribed medication take it as prescribed and don't stop taking it even when you feel better unless your doctor tells you to. 

Thirdly marriage isn't everything the reason you think it is, is because you have been conditioned to think that way by virtue of culture and religion this is why many atheists regard religion as having deleterious effects. 

Fourthly wait and be patient, you are still young by the look of your avatar picture, when you feel better just relax and be yourself and you will be surprised how much things change for the better in respect to many things. 

Fifthly (and this is perhaps the best bit of advice I can give you) DON'T TRY TOO HARD, women have the uncanny almost spooky ability to spot a needy or desperate man from a hundred paces and regardless of culture or religion many women say its one of the single most unattractive attributes in a man and is really off-putting. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that having a partner will fix you and solve all your problems it won't, a partnership needs to be just that a partnership if its lopsided in either direction your troubles are really just beginning and it won't work.

Hope this helps and good luck to you.

[jerry mcmasters]

Sounds like frustration more than insanity. Is it "insane" to go into an atheist forum and expect them to be awe-struck at your arguments for God? Maybe. Maybe more just garden-variety foolishness, which is no big deal or rare trait. Link I think you need to resolve some cognitive dissonance, I suspect you know there is no supernatural magic Something out there, but you are emotionally too wedded to it to let it go, which must be very frustrating and even more so when you are ridiculed for it.

[Aegon]

I went through Atheistforums.org, and was going through many topics I've created over the years. There is nothing normal about me.  That was not the way to approach the God question.  Talking about deep stuff to a bunch of people that ridiculed and didn't care to know.

It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me,  no one will marry me if I remain like this. I read my many topics on shiachat.com and a lot of it when I disbelieved in Islam,  I see how the madness took  me then too. 

It was than I was writing to Shiite Muslims how their religion is false and at the same time arguing with Atheists and approaching the God question there.  It's the worse insanity at it's worse.

It's absolutely retarded what I did. + all the other forums I been to and argued with Sunnis or Bahais, or Christians.

I've been insane. This is insanity.  This isn't normal. And it has to stop.

I've been super pathetic my whole life. Got to stop wasting time.  The world beacons and as insane and retarted as I am,  I have a lot to contribute and my analytical reasoning and insights can be geared and funnelled better.

My apologies to all Atheists on here and on Atheistforums.org, for my annoying behaviour over the years.

It's truly been a waste of time.

I'm no psychologist but your insistent need to debate God over and over and over screams that you are deeply insecure about your own beliefs. Perhaps you are trying to convince yourself, rather than others. I would suggest practicing some mindfulness in order to look inward and understand yourself. Definitely make an appointment with a mental health professional. If you don't have access to therapy directly, there are now many apps and methods of online therapy that may work for you.

One thing I can tell you for sure is calling yourself insane and pathetic will not help. 

[Bucky Ball]

It's insanity, madness, and it's become obvious to me,  no one will marry me if I remain like this. 

It's truly been a waste of time.

That's OK. 
We weren't going to marry you anyway.

[no one]

Admission is the first, and most difficult step.

Congratulations.

[M.Linoge]

It's truly been a waste of time.

Not entirely, since it was a process that lead you to this moment; this desire for change. 
Life would be a lot easier if we could skip to the end of personal growth without all the messy bits to get there. 

Best of luck.

[Minimalist]

Read this, Link.

https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/schi...symptoms#1

What Is the Typical Age of Onset for Schizophrenia?

Men and women are equally likely to get this brain disorder, but guys tend to get it slightly earlier. On average, men are diagnosed in their late teens to early 20s.

You are in the right age group and, if you actually have it you do not seem to have an all that advanced a case which is the good news.  The better news is that it can be treated medically but only a psychiatrist can make the diagnosis.

Years ago I oversaw the umpiring program for our local Little League.  We hired kids who had graduated out of the program to do the games and even as teenagers you had to have something on the ball to do that job because while the players were normally great the parents could be, and frequently were, total assholes.  One kid was my top guy.  A ballplayer in high school himself he injured a shoulder and couldn't throw any more.  He was the son of my oldest friend so I knew him well and he was as sharp as a tack.  That was when he was 17-18.  They moved to New Jersey and I didn't see him for a few years.  By the time I did, he was about 25, had gained 100 pounds, could no longer string together a coherent sentence, could not hold even a menial job and he had Adult Onset.   The meds worked, when he took them.  As soon as he felt better he stopped.  It is not all that uncommon a problem.

But you don't sound that bad.  The trick is to not let it progress.

[SYZ]

...I've been insane. This is insanity.  This isn't normal. And it has to stop.

Mate... I've never thought of you as insane.

You're simply a bigoted, arrogant, hypocritical theist with a very limited intelligence quotient.
Your comments are usually offensive, patronising, insulting drivel, which are invariably thinly
disguised proselytising.  You follow a religion that still—in the 21st century—promotes stoning
of criminals, wife-beating, female genital mutilation, amputations for shoplifters, and denies
women the right to drive or have intercourse with men other than their spouse.

Personally speaking, I despise people of your ilk.  You're an insult to modern humanity.  Please
go back to your tent and feed your camel.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I don't think you're insane. I think you've supped at the table of superstition for so long that you don't regard other outlooks as mental nourishment.

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I know how difficult it can be to abandon the one "answer" I've turned to most of my adult life and look deeper. But it can be done.

[Chas]

It is good that you are facing reality, even if only a little.