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Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
#1

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
Just came across this bit of culture by way of William Shakespeare .. apparently.  Just about spit my tea out.  Got any more culture you can throw my way?


Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
"Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I'll kiss you for it. To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. 
F. D.
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#2

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
I have a favorite one, unfortunately I no longer have the book. It was in a Norton's anthology. I'll see if I can find it through Google.
[Image: signature%20The-Ascension-of-Iweko.jpg]
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#3

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-06-2019, 10:54 PM)Dānu Wrote: I have a favorite one, unfortunately I no longer have the book.  It was in a Norton's anthology.  I'll see if I can find it through Google.

Your Baby Has Gone Down the Plughole
(A Mother's Lament)
Traditional Song
A mother was bathing her baby one night
The youngest of ten and a delicate mite
The mother was poor and the baby was thin
Was only a skeleton covered in skin.
The mother turned round for the soap on the rack
Was only a moment but when she turned back;
Her baby had gone and in anguish she cried,
"Oh where is my babe?" The angels replied...

"Your baby has gone down the plughole
Your baby has gone down the plug;
The poor little thing was so skinny and thin,
He should have been bathed in a jug.
Your baby is perfectly happy
He won't need a bath any more;
He's floating away down the drainpipe
Not lost but gone before..."

https://www.mamalisa.com/?t=es&p=4430


Plus my favourite limerick;

There was a faith healer of Beale,
Who said "although pain isn't real, 
If I sit on a pin
And it punctures my skin
I dislike what  I fancy I feel "
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#4

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
Nothing improves my driving
Just to the same extent,
As a police car just arriving
Or a police car that's just went

The turtle trapped 'twixt plated decks
Doth practically conceal its sex
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.

Candy
Is Dandy,
But liquor
Is quicker.

Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens
Bears have Cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies.

—Ogden Nash
I'm a creationist;   I believe that man created God.
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#5

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or, so I've read.
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I love to sink her with my pink torpedo.
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?
I saw her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean.
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean.
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game's waiting there inside her tights.
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mud flaps
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?
"What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world all around us?" -- Frank Herbert
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#6

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-07-2019, 10:54 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or, so I've read.
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I love to sink her with my pink torpedo.
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?
I saw her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean.
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean.
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game's waiting there inside her tights.
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mud flaps
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?


I think we have the winner here for half the forum at least.
"Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I'll kiss you for it. To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. 
F. D.
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#7

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-07-2019, 10:22 PM)SYZ Wrote: Nothing improves my driving
Just to the same extent,
As a police car just arriving
Or a police car that's just went

The turtle trapped 'twixt plated decks
Doth practically conceal its sex
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.

Candy
Is Dandy,
But liquor
Is quicker.

Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens
Bears have Cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies.

—Ogden Nash


I'd heard the name so no doubt read some of his in school.  I like the lot of them but the last one best, something about the rhythm of in reading it.
"Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I'll kiss you for it. To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. 
F. D.
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#8

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
I Haz Book of 1600 (?) Dirty Limericks. Maybe that deserves its own dirty limericks thread. Consider
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#9

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-08-2019, 02:36 AM)Fireball Wrote: I Haz Book of 1600 (?) Dirty Limericks. Maybe that deserves its own dirty limericks thread. Consider


How about a teaser to link us to it?
"Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I'll kiss you for it. To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. 
F. D.
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#10

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
Bucky's Rosary :

Hail Mary full of grace.
May someone hot sit on your face.
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#11

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-08-2019, 03:01 AM)Mark Wrote:
(11-08-2019, 02:36 AM)Fireball Wrote: I Haz Book of 1600 (?) Dirty Limericks. Maybe that deserves its own dirty limericks thread. Consider


How about a teaser to link us to it?

Hmm... here's the world's only two line limerick (afaik)

There was a young fellow named Furster
Fucked his girl 'til he burst 'er.  Dunno

I'll look for the book later. It's in my son's room and he's asleep.
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#12

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-08-2019, 01:55 AM)Mark Wrote:
(11-07-2019, 10:22 PM)SYZ Wrote: Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens
Bears have Cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies.


I'd heard the name so no doubt read some of his in school.  I like the lot of them but the last one best, something about the rhythm of in reading it.

Yes... the ultimate beauty is contained within the discordant meter of the very last line—in what's written as a couplet.     Smile
I'm a creationist;   I believe that man created God.
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#13

Hilarious poetry .. could there possibly be more like this?
(11-08-2019, 01:51 AM)Mark Wrote:
(11-07-2019, 10:54 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or, so I've read.
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I love to sink her with my pink torpedo.
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?
I saw her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean.
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean.
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game's waiting there inside her tights.
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mud flaps
My gal's got 'em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?


I think we have the winner here for half the forum at least.

There's little such moving poetry as Spinal Tap.
"What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world all around us?" -- Frank Herbert
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