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Paternity testing.
#26

Paternity testing.
So you don't have a girlfriend, then. Mystery solved.

-Teresa
There is in the universe only one true divide, one real binary, life and death. Either you are living or you are not. Everything else is molten, malleable.

-Susan Faludi, In the Darkroom
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#27

Paternity testing.
(05-18-2019, 12:42 AM)Tres Leches Wrote: So you don't have a girlfriend, then. Mystery solved.

-Teresa

Fuck off. Dodgy
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#28

Paternity testing.
What little this has been studied indicates that a worst case scenario is that 1 in 1,000 babies are switched, and that we have good reason (change in practices, many of those errors being caught at the hospital) to suggest that the actual rate of people ending up with babies that they didn't father is much lower. Lancet, on the other hand, finds that paternity tests show that the child is not that of the putative father about 1 in 30 times. I have to wonder whether the worry you have about your baby being switched is realistic. If a paternity test indicates that you are not the father, there's only a 3% chance at best that this was due to a mix-up at the hospital. Even if the 1 in 1,000 figure is accurate, that would mean you face a 0.003% chance of raising a child that is not your own because of a baby switch at the hospital. Unless you're just incredibly misinformed, I have great difficulty seeing this as anything other than an issue of trust about infidelity.
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#29

Paternity testing.
Actually upon further reflection...

I guess much of whether a paternity test is warranted depends on where you are in a given relationship, and what you know about the person you're with. If your partner has a history of entering into and out of relationships "frequently" and/or if your relationship is in an early stage, like say less then a year old, then yes I suppose you'd have a valid reason to ask for a paternity test. And yes should be done with their knowledge.

It may actually not be a bad thing because it would elucidate a concern that you have and a possible weakness in the relationship that should be addressed. Every relationship has a weak point because everyone is flawed in some why. The possibility of infidelity is only one of many trust issues that may be a permanent part of a relationship.

For me, after 21 years of marriage, if my wife got pregnant again and I asked for a paternity test, it would likely end our marriage immediately. Regardless of whether the test was even done, or what the results would have been.

And actually at this point if she were to get pregnant and even if I thought it was by cheating, if I still valued my marriage, I wouldn't get a paternity test and I would tell my wife to list me as the father on the kid's birth certificate. In the province where I live it is up to the mother to list who the father of the child is on the birth certificate, and they don't even have to list the name of the father at all if they don't want to. No asshole is going to muscle himself into my marriage with some custody bullshit.
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#30

Paternity testing.
(05-18-2019, 12:31 PM)Dānu Wrote: What little this has been studied indicates that a worst case scenario is that 1 in 1,000 babies are switched, and that we have good reason (change in practices, many of those errors being caught at the hospital) to suggest that the actual rate of people ending up with babies that they didn't father is much lower.  Lancet, on the other hand, finds that paternity tests show that the child is not that of the putative father about 1 in 30 times.  I have to wonder whether the worry you have about your baby being switched is realistic.  If a paternity test indicates that you are not the father, there's only a 3% chance at best that this was due to a mix-up at the hospital.  Even if the 1 in 1,000 figure is accurate, that would mean you face a 0.003% chance of raising a child that is not your own because of a baby switch at the hospital.  Unless you're just incredibly misinformed, I have great difficulty seeing this as anything other than an issue of trust about infidelity.

I think my 0.003% figure is wrong, but it's still only a 0.1% chance at best.
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#31

Paternity testing.
(05-18-2019, 12:08 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:
(05-17-2019, 10:00 PM)mlmooney89 Wrote:
(05-17-2019, 12:57 PM)Atothetheist Wrote: I told her “I believe paternity tests should be the standard and that every father has a right to it.” She was like  “why?” And I told her that babies getting switched at birth is a possibility, and the more common occurrence of the man being bamboozled into raising a child that is not actually there.

You don't get to compare babies getting switched at birth with accusing your spouse of cheating. Don't even try and act like babies getting switched at birth is a valid reason for making sure your kid is yours. You just don't trust your girl and that is all there is to it. Seems like you've never trusted anyone enough since you think the tests should be standard. I feel bad for you. Like others have said, I don't think a child and loving/healthy relationship with the mother is in your cards.

Side note those that said babies don't get switched anymore are pretty accurate. At least when I gave birth last year they tagged me when I went in and then tagged my daughter the moment she was in the clear. It was the kind that had to use a special device to take off. My daughter stayed with me the whole time except when she had to be put under the lamp due to low body temp and that was only a few minutes. There was no nursery. This was at one of the best labor and delivery hospitals in the States.

This post is a bit of a tricky one, so much to address, I will bold, italic and underline the corresponding responses and relevant additions.  

Yes, I do. I do get to list that scenario as a possibility and a genetic test to figure out of that possibility. I wasn't comparing them and saying they were equal, I was saying both issues can be addressed with a paternity test. and both can, so I believe I am right to talk about, mention and discuss such a thing. I don't understand why I wouldn't be able to. As Bucky previously mentioned and you followed up with, that possibility is now EXTREMELY unlikely, and so you are right, paternity tests are only one way to address that issue, and there are other solutions that have been effective without them, but don't pretend like a paternity test WOULDN'T be effective in figuring out if the baby was or was not switched at birth. 

You know what, I am generally fine with people being able to extrapolate from my posts what kind of person I am. In fact, I do it as well and I don't blame people one bit for it. Other people on this thread have done that. Some have implied what other's have explicitly stated. However, none of them have stated it in quite a way that you have. So, I'll direct this at you, but know that its not just at you: 

I find it incredibly amusing that I am seen as paranoid or untrusting when I talk about wanting a paternity test standard, its somehow seen as "too far" and "uncalled for", but and that based off of this one view that I have (a view which I believe is based on MORE than just the prevalence of cheating in society, so not JUST because I don't trust my partner), people can make sweeping generalizations about the fate of my life and of my relationships with people. Its almost as if I have personally offended people with my view, like I have personally accused THEM of cheating, or at the very least of me doubting their faithfulness or honesty in that faithfulness, or they feel as if I have this by definition of suspicion of ALL women. I don't and its offensive for you to imply that I do, or that my relationships will fail or that I shouldn't even bothering having children simply because I am concerned about the possibility of getting taken advantage of and lied to. I don't check my partner's phone, I don't go into their social media. I respect their freedom and their privacy. I do trust all my partners (past and present), and yes I have been lied to and cheated on, but I don't hold that against my future partner's. However, I feel as if since the kid is supposedly ours, its my right to know that as a certainty, just as women know it as a certainty. If you want to help change my mind on the issue, by all means. I am more than happy to be convinced. I am young, and I'm sure that when the time comes, I might make a different choice based on my feelings of my partner when I get there, but saying "Oh, you won't even have that in your future with that attitude" is so fucked. I'm sorry that it seems that I have offended you, because I feel as if it is a bit personal, but personal attacks on me and my future or my ability to be happy or make my partner happy cloaked under "hard truths or conclusions based on content" don't contribute to healthy discussion and understanding.

The discussion about ethics I had hoped would illuminate discussions about trusting your partner.  So, in furthering this discussion further. I propose another question, one that I hope you understand don't support, but nevertheless think is worthy to get your opinions on: If you have strong suspicions that your child isn't yours, would it be ethical to get a paternity test without consulting/ knowledge of the partner. 

For me, this is a hard no. Its unethical in anyway to do anything to the child without the partner's permission/knowledge/ or a discussion with the partner, I believe you should ALWAYS talk it out first.  What are all your thoughts on this?

1. No you still can't put those in the same breath because no matter what you are explaining you are essentially saying "I want to know my kid is mine because I don't trust my lover." You can cover it with your switch babies at birth but that is obvious a second hand 'oh yeah and this' kind of back up.
2. This is personal and offensive and I don't care if you are offended because you point blank you want it to be the norm that MY husband should get a test done to make sure my kid is his. To just make it normal to not trust the female is disgusting and the wrong direction we need to go. Females are already getting told what to do with their bodies, let's not make it okay to commonly call them liars. That is what you are doing by asking for that test, you are straight up calling them liars. If you didn't think they were lying there wouldn't be a need for a test.
3. If YOU don't trust your partner don't try and make the other men get in line to doubt their women. Go get your own test done on the down low (meaning away from the happy birth of the child. Your woman just pushed a damn human out of her don't you dare start asking if it is yours as she is holding her newborn)
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#32

Paternity testing.
(05-18-2019, 12:08 AM)Atothetheist Wrote: A google search about the percentage of father's raising children that are not theirs talks about this a little bit. It states that some recent studies point to the phenomena as being close to 0%, in a lot of western European countries, it is found to be about 1-2 percent of the population of men are in that very scenario...

I checked out the site you linked to, and I discovered that it's not talking about babies swapped at birth,
but rather infidelity by female partners or spouses—which results in a pregnancy assumed falsely by the male
partner to be a result of his insemination.  This is a totally different scenario, and I reckon it'd need a
differently focussed debate regarding its ethics and morals etc.  The 1% to 2% figure cited doesn't represent
babies swapped at birth but fathers unknowingly raising children that are not biologically theirs.
I'm a creationist;   I believe that man created God.
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#33

Paternity testing.
Trust is really just an optimistic guess. We've got VD testing and Prenuptuals. I think paternity tests could fit in there, because practically speaking, we know we can't ever truly be sure.

I 100% trust my wife, and find the idea ludicrous for my situation, but I'm sure plenty of people feel the same way and have been burned. So with anything that is going to shape your life for decades, and raising a kid definitely fits that bill, I don't think it's that outlandish.

Here's another way to think about it. What % of people do you think deserve to be trusted 100%? Is it over 50%? I'd guess not. So if we know all these people aren't fully trustworthy, are we saying half the population shouldn't have any kids? Doesn't seem very practical.
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#34

Paternity testing.
(05-21-2019, 03:05 AM)jerryg Wrote: So if we know all these people aren't fully trustworthy, are we saying half the population shouldn't have any kids?  Doesn't seem very practical.

"Who do you trust?" is not the same as "these people shouldn't have kids." That's because trust is an individual thing, worked out between two people.

But I'm pretty down with the idea that some folks shouldn't reproduce. I just wish they could see things the same way.
"What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world all around us?" -- Frank Herbert
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#35

Paternity testing.
(05-21-2019, 01:53 AM)SYZ Wrote:
(05-18-2019, 12:08 AM)Atothetheist Wrote: A google search about the percentage of father's raising children that are not theirs talks about this a little bit. It states that some recent studies point to the phenomena as being close to 0%, in a lot of western European countries, it is found to be about 1-2 percent of the population of men are in that very scenario...

I checked out the site you linked to, and I discovered that it's not talking about babies swapped at birth,
but rather infidelity by female partners or spouses—which results in a pregnancy assumed falsely by the male
partner to be a result of his insemination.  This is a totally different scenario, and I reckon it'd need a
differently focussed debate regarding its ethics and morals etc.  The 1% to 2% figure cited doesn't represent
babies swapped at birth but fathers unknowingly raising children that are not biologically theirs.

Oh my, must have posted that section to the wrong person! As previously discussed there are alternatives to figuring out switched at birth babies without paternity testing, which is still a solution to it and so the numbers are 0.00 something. Thank you for pointing it out, I will edit to rearrange some things, when writing long posts, i sometimes forget who I am addressing.
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#36

Paternity testing.
(05-17-2019, 05:23 PM)Dancefortwo Wrote: Kinda reminds me of the old Dick Van Dyke Show in which "Rob" is convinced that his son was switched at the hospital and invited the parents to come over and get their baby.....



Haven't watched the video but am I a bad person for being turned on at this pic?
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